The Invisible Scripts That Shape Our Money Stories
The Money Whispers We Inherited (Whether We Knew It or Not)
Last week, I had my first session being coached in the Money Coaching Certification program I’m in.
I’ve done a lot of work around money with my therapist over the years, but not in this manner and not in any chronological order. This is blowing my mind. 🤯
One thing my mentor said to me stopped me in my tracks.
And I’m guessing this will also resonate with many of you.
I was raised with an incredibly strong work ethic by hard-working parents (who were also kind, loving, and very supportive… that will be my last prequalification)- who were also raised by hard-working parents (you see where this is going, right?).
My first “job” was a paper route at 14, and I enjoyed it (so did my customers—the papers were delivered by 6 a.m., so I’d have enough time to do my hair before school, lol).
From then on, I’ve worked.
Here’s what blew my mind with my mentor.
She reviewed my “Money History & Bio” and said: “So you were always commended for working hard, but never for earning money.”
🤯
Let that sink in for a minute.
In many ways, working wasn’t about money.
Of course, money was needed, but no one I knew talked about it (family, friends, etc). It wasn’t socially acceptable to talk about money.
I’ve received validation for my work ethic my entire life. Add to that the nonsensical expectations that American Companies put on their employees (especially when you look at how other countries treat employees with time off, maternity/paternity leave, etc.).
Our work/life situation is NOT normal, nor is it how we should be living.
All of this (and more) creates our invisible money scripts—those deeply ingrained beliefs and behavioral patterns that operate below our conscious awareness, silently directing our financial decisions day after day.
Last week, I discussed neural pathways and how repeated thoughts and behaviors shape our brains.
This week, I want to explore how our personal experiences don't just create these pathways but are often inherited across generations.
When we repeatedly think certain thoughts or engage in specific behaviors around money, we strengthen neural connections in our brains. These well-worn pathways become our default operating system, making it easier for our brains to follow familiar patterns than to forge new ones.
It's not just a metaphor – these are physical changes in our brain architecture.
This is why changing money behaviors can feel so challenging. When we try to establish new financial habits, we're not just making a simple choice – we're asking our brains to create new neural highways while the old, familiar routes keep calling us back.
But here's where it gets even more fascinating: some research suggests that certain tendencies may be passed down to us even before we have conscious experiences. This area of study, known as epigenetics, explores how environmental factors can influence how our genes are expressed without changing the genetic code itself.
While scientists are still researching how this works with complex behaviors like money management, we know that stress responses and certain tendencies can be influenced by what our parents and grandparents experienced.
For example, a grandmother who lived through economic depression might pass down specific stress responses around financial scarcity that show up in her children and grandchildren.
More concretely, we know that money behaviors are modeled for us from our earliest days. By age seven, most children have already developed money habits and beliefs that will influence them throughout adulthood.
We absorb our families' unspoken attitudes about finances long before we have our first bank account:
The tension that filled the room when the bills arrived
The celebration or shame around purchases
The whispered conversations about money troubles
The pride or anxiety around saving
These early experiences create those initial neural pathways that, without conscious intervention, can determine our financial destinies.
Fortunately, our brains have tremendous neuroplasticity – the ability to form new connections and pathways throughout our lives.
We can begin rewiring when we become aware of our invisible scripts.
We can intentionally create new money pathways that align with our true values and goals, not just the patterns we inherited.
Recognizing these scripts is the crucial first step. Only when we bring these unconscious patterns into the light can we begin to question and ultimately transform them.
Next week, we'll explore techniques for rewiring these neural pathways and creating new money stories.
But for now, I encourage you to get curious about your invisible scripts. What money patterns might you be running on autopilot?
And more importantly, which ones are you ready to rewrite?
A Woman You Should Know
Janet Yellen
The first woman to serve as U.S. Treasury Secretary and the first to chair the Federal Reserve.
Before breaking these glass ceilings, Yellen was a professor of economics at Harvard University and the University of California, Berkeley. Throughout her career, she has been known for focusing on unemployment and human costs in economics, bringing a compassionate perspective to financial policy. Her work demonstrates how women can bring unique and valuable viewpoints to traditionally male-dominated financial institutions.
Money Moves
Have you ever considered "story-proofing" your financial plan?
This involves identifying the stories you tell yourself about money that might be holding you back.
For example, if you believe "investing is complicated and not for people like me," you might avoid learning about investment options altogether. By recognizing this story, you can challenge it with small, manageable steps toward investment knowledge.
Try this exercise: Write down three beliefs you have about money. For each belief, ask yourself:
Where did this belief come from?
Is it truly mine, or did I inherit it?
How is this belief serving or limiting me?
What alternative belief might serve me better?
This simple awareness practice can be the first step toward changing patterns that have shaped your financial life for decades.
Resources
Newsletter 📄
will help you “build your capacity as a financial decision-maker and create your financial plan, week by week.”Podcast 🎧
The Money with Katie Show is a smart, approachable podcast that explores personal finance topics like building wealth, optimizing taxes, and navigating lifestyle choices. Host Katie Gatti Tassin breaks down complex money topics with clarity, humor, and data-driven advice to help listeners make confident financial decisions.
Meditation 🧘♀️
Elena Brower offers free, grounded, nourishing meditations that help clear mental clutter and reconnect with intuition. Listen during a walk—or as a morning reset while drinking coffee with open windows.
I’m so ready for Spring! 😂
Hopefully, by the time I send this next week, I’ll have my heirloom seeds “started” in my starter tray.
This is the first year I’m trying this, and it’s a wee bit more involved than I thought, but I’m excited to jump in!
I hope you’re getting some warm weather wherever you are.
With coffee & kindness,
Kim
For too long, I held on to the belief that hard work = money. I still intensely value quality work, creativity, and accountability but have seen how 1) it isn't true and 2) it doesn't serve me. It's hard to let go of sometimes, though!