When “Doing the Work” Feels Heavy, Try This Instead

Gently Update Your Inner Money Programming

Apr 09, 2025

About ten years ago, I was in a mastermind (predominantly male) and one of the men used to preach to his audience to “DO THE WORK!” (in all fairness, his audience was all male, but it’s a predominant message in Western culture).

Which, in and of itself, is simply a statement.

But when it’s shouted at you to “do the f@#king work” like you’re lazy and worthless…it’s going to backfire.

To my knowledge (and I think Brené Brown would agree with me), people are rarely shamed into creating permanent, lasting change (which is the goal of ‘doing the work’).

So let’s talk about what really shapes our relationship with money, because it’s rarely just about spreadsheets and budgeting apps.

Ever had that feeling like… something isn’t clicking?

You’ve read the books, signed up for the courses, tried the latest app, and maybe even tracked every expense for a while, but there’s still this sense of being stuck? Like there’s an invisible wall between you and the wealth you want to create?

Yep. Been there.

As I move through my Money Coaching certification (and the deeper I go into neuroscience), I’m more convinced than ever: the most significant shifts don’t come from what we learn about money.

They come from what we unlearn—those quiet, deeply ingrained beliefs that have been steering the ship far longer than we realize.

The Hidden Narratives

Here’s the thing: most of our financial patterns are running on autopilot. And those patterns? They didn’t start last year or even last decade. They started way back—often before we could spell “allowance.”

Imagine your brain like the operating system on a computer. Most of us are still running on the same “money software” we picked up in childhood—installed by things like:

Overhearing parents talk about ‘affording’ things
A parent’s stress around income
Cultural messages about what’s “realistic”
Personal experiences that stuck

It’s old code.

And it runs quietly in the background, shaping decisions and beliefs without us even realizing it.

Fortunately, much like software, our brains can be updated.
Neuroplasticity is your built-in reboot button. You don’t have to uninstall your entire life—you start by rewriting small snippets of code (ok, that’s my last computer reference).

So… where do we start?

This is where I like to soften the idea of “doing the work.”

Instead, think of it as creating new patterns. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to get it perfect. But you can start with small, meaningful shifts.

Here’s what that might look like:

🌿 Awareness First

Begin by noticing your automatic money thoughts.
What’s the running commentary in your head?
Is it true… or just familiar?

🌿 Get Curious, Not Critical

Instead of “I’m just bad with money,” try:
“I’m learning how to relate to money more healthily.”
Curiosity opens the door. Judgment slams it shut.
*Side note: Curiosity is so underrated

🌿 Take Tiny, Loving Actions

Neural change happens through repetition. So give yourself small wins.
Maybe it’s checking your bank balance without spiraling.
Maybe it’s tracking one spending habit without shame.
Celebrate each little shift. They compound.

A Personal Note

For a long time, my money story was shaped by survival.

At a young age, I became a widow and suddenly responsible for two kids. Everything became about safety, saving, and not messing up. Scarcity felt like a smart strategy.

But over time, I realized that wealth isn’t about gripping tightly. It’s about flow, about trust, about building something from intention, not fear.

That didn’t happen overnight. But it started with awareness—and a whole lot of compassion.

Your Gentle Invitation This Week

You don’t need to overhaul everything. Start here:

✨ Listen to the thoughts that show up when you think about money
✨ Write down one belief that might be limiting you
✨ Then, gently reframe it. Make it softer, kinder, more aligned with the future you’re creating

You’re not broken. You’re just running an old program.
And you get to write a new one.

A Woman You Should Know

Trudi Lebron - Entrepreneur

Trudi is the founder of the Institute for Equity-Centered Coaching and the author of The Anti-Racist Business Book. She's built an entire movement around running values-driven, equity-centered businesses, and she’s especially committed to helping women (and women of color) build wealth without abandoning their ethics or burning out.

She has a background in both academic theory and lived experience. Trudi is a leader who’s not afraid to challenge the status quo while offering a practical roadmap for improvement.

Learn More About Trudi

Money Moves

3 Financial Shifts for This Week

Let’s think of these like loving nudges toward more confidence and clarity—not more pressure.

Revisit a Past Purchase Without Shame
Pick one thing you spent money on last month that made you cringe a little. Instead of beating yourself up, ask:

What did I actually need or want in that moment?
What might I do differently next time?

This simple pause builds awareness, without judgment.

Update Your Money Inbox
Unsubscribe from 3 marketing emails that constantly trigger impulse spending. You don’t need to resist temptation if it’s never in front of you. Think of this as decluttering your financial headspace.

Future You Fund
Set up a new savings category (even if you’re not ready to fund it yet).
Label it something juicy like:

“Dream Apartment by the Water”
“Spain 2026”
“Sabbatical Fund”

Naming it makes it real. Naming it makes it yours. 😉

Resources

🧘‍♀️ App: Clementine
Created by a woman, for women. This hypnosis and mindset app focuses on helping you feel calmer, more confident, and less anxious—especially around money, work, and self-worth. It’s like having a pocket-sized coach with a very soothing voice.
🔗 Get Clementine

🎧 Podcast: The Lazy Genius Podcast by Kendra Adachi
Okay, hear me out: this podcast isn’t technically about money but about permission. About doing what matters and letting go of what doesn’t.
Which… is a very money mindset if you ask me.
🔗 Listen here

📃 Newsletter: Road Trip Younger by

Brodee Myers-Cooke

”A science-fueled & joy-powered go-to guide to ageing for women 50+. Gentle nourishing journeys to growing Younger as we grow (gloriously) Older.” Be sure also to check out Brodee’s “Postcard Project” here.
🔗 Read the newsletter