The Quiet Revolution in Women's Money Stories
Rewriting What We Were Taught, One Brave Choice at a Time
As kids, we rode our bikes everywhere… and from an early age.
Our bikes were our ticket to freedom!
You’ve probably seen the photo online with a bunch of bikes piled up, lying on their sides in front of someone’s house with the caption, “This is how our parents knew where we were.”
It was also how we knew where our friends were.
One of my first money memories was riding my bike to “the store” with my friends to buy gum (Oh, the things we remember).
Forget that we were riding down a busy street and had to cross a major intersection to get to “the store”…
All we needed were our ten-speed bikes, less than a dollar (a pack of gum was a quarter), and our friends.
Armed with a handful of coins, we had our first “taste” (pun intended) of spending money on something we wanted.
This got me thinking about how women are socialized about money from an early age.
How do we go from freedom to spending on what we want to prioritize others’ needs over our own?
I did some research, and here are six things that contribute to creating the subconscious belief of prioritizing others’ needs over our own (Which is probably why the first time a mother flies on a plane with her child, it feels counterintuitive to be told to put our oxygen mask on first).
Each of these points will probably end up becoming a complete topic for the newsletter, but here’s a quick list and one-liner:
Cultural Expectations: Women are often socialized to prioritize others' needs over their own, reinforcing the idea of self-sacrifice as a virtue.
Shame Around Spending: Spending on oneself is often stigmatized as selfish or frivolous while spending on others is praised.
Media and Marketing Messages: Advertising frames women as caregivers, emphasizing family spending over personal enjoyment or investment.
Generational Patterns: Traditional gender norms have conditioned many women, especially older generations, to de-prioritize their financial autonomy.
Economic Inequity: Wage gaps and financial disparities make women more likely to limit or justify their spending on themselves.
Psychological Impact: Guilt or discomfort often accompanies self-directed spending due to deep-seated societal conditioning.
For many women, especially GenX and older, putting others first wasn't just something we did—it was who we were. (This is not a dig at younger generations at all… I applaud them for putting themselves first.)
It showed up in every area of our lives but nowhere more significantly than in our relationship with money.
We watched our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts do it.
This SNL skit of Christmas morning kind of sums this up (it’s funny and sad simultaneously).
In many ways, that mindset has served a purpose.
It helped us raise families, support aging parents, and keep everything moving forward.
But at what cost?
Here’s the good news.
There’s a gentle revolution happening.
It's showing up in quiet conversations between women over coffee, late-night reflections, and brave moments of questioning everything we were taught about money.
This revolution isn't loud or flashy (but hats off to you if that works for you).
It's not about burning everything down or altogether rejecting our caring nature.
Instead, it's about thoughtfully examining our money stories and choosing which parts still serve us – and which parts we need to release lovingly.
I'm seeing it everywhere.
More women are talking about their old money stories, what no longer serves them, and claiming something more for themselves.
That might involve starting a YouTube channel, moving abroad, refusing societal expectations, or returning to school at 54 to get a Master’s degree (the first week was interesting; stay tuned for that).
The shift happens differently for each of us.
For some, it starts with simply acknowledging that taking care of ourselves financially isn't selfish – it's essential.
For others, it begins with the realization that we can't pour from an empty cup, including our financial well-being.
What makes this revolution truly beautiful is its ripple effect.
When we start treating our financial health as a form of self-care, we model something powerful for our daughters, nieces, and the younger women in our lives.
We show them that it's possible to be both nurturing and financially savvy.
Here’s to the revolution. ✊
A Woman You Should Know
Muriel Siebert - “The First Woman of Finance”
Before there was a gentle revolution, Muriel Siebert was breaking down Wall Street's doors. In 1967, she became the first woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange – but not before being rejected by nine sponsors and having to fight to get a bank to lend her money (the loan she needed was $445,000, and the bank would only give it to her if she got the Exchange to promise her seat first... catch-22 anyone? 🙄).
Known as "Mickie" to her friends, she established Muriel Siebert & Co., Inc., the first woman-owned brokerage firm to join the NYSE. When asked about her success, she famously said, "I put my head down and charged."
Muriel Siebert, 9/12/28 - 8/24/2013
Money Moves
Speaking of charging forward (see what I did there? 😉), let's talk about something practical many overlook: credit card benefits.
Did you know that many credit cards offer price protection or return protection?
If you buy something and the price drops within a certain period (usually 60-90 days), you can get refunded the difference. And if a store won't accept your return but your credit card has return protection, you might still be able to get your money back.
This isn't about spending more – it's about being smart with our existing tools. Check your credit card benefits (usually listed on your online account or in that paperwork we all tend to ignore 😬).
Resources
Read 📰
Newsletter: "The Pause Life" by Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Dr. Haver's approach to this season resonates deeply as someone navigating midlife. She thoughtfully explores how we can use this natural "pause" to reassess, realign, and truly thrive. It's like having a conversation with a wise friend who gets it. Read "The Pause Life" here.
Article: A great interview with
, the author of the newsletter “Healthy Rich” and the new book, “You Don’t Need a Budget,” on “The Case Against Budget Culture,” with author Anne Helen Peterson.Product: I’m always looking for ways to get more protein, and I found “ratio” yogurt at Target (and other major stores). A 5 oz individual yogurt has 25g of protein! Here’s the link for Target so you can at least know what the brand looks like.
My experiment this week
A Social Media Fast
With my busy week last week and what’s happening with politics in the U.S., I felt like it might be time to move to a hobbit house and live in the shire. 😂
But since that’s not an option right now, the next best thing I could do for myself felt like no social media for the week. This can be particularly challenging because I have an online business - but one week won’t make or break anything.
My sanity and well-being are far more important.
I’ll let you know how it went next week.
As I wrap up this week's newsletter, I'm reminded of that voice we all have—you know, the one. It used to whisper, "I shouldn't," or "Maybe later," whenever we considered investing in ourselves.
But here's what I'm learning: that voice can be retrained, one gentle choice at a time.
This week, I invite you to notice your quiet revolution moments and maybe jot them down. When do you feel that old narrative about money creeping in?
What would it feel like to respond with curiosity instead of judgment?
Remember, your relationship with money is uniquely yours.
It's not about following someone else's rules —it's about creating one that feels authentic to who you are now, not who you were told to be.
Have a wonderful week, and may you find little moments to celebrate your quiet revolution.
Kim
Your article brought back so many memories including the lesson we were taught about money. My mother and those before her never splurged on their needs. I changed that and passed it on to my daughter. You won’t believe how many people ask me how she can afford some of her fun stuff. I’ll gladly tell them I don’t pay her bill so I have no idea.
I especially saw this with my mother and her generation. It was perfectly fine to buy things for other people, but spending money on herself wasn’t something they really did. So, as she got older, when she’d want something, she’d buy it for herself but then buy two or three other things to give away to others.